Nov 26, 2012 | Divorce


The devastation you may have felt when ending your long-term relationship is equally matched by the opportunity it provides to recreate yourself. Now that you are divorced, you can go where you have never been able to go before, do what you haven’t previously been able to do, and be what you haven’t been able to be. Below are some suggestions about how, and how not to, approach your new freedom.

Forgive your ex-spouse. A sure way to block any personal growth after your divorce is to keep blaming your ex-spouse for the  failure of your marriage. Stop and move on. Yes, they messed up. But you probably did too. And even if they are the only one to blame for your divorce, hating them forever only hurts you – and your children, if you have them.

Forgive yourself. Remember how you used to feel bad for the things you did in your marriage that hurt your ex-partner? Good. But it’s probably time to stop feeling guilty. You’ve already apologized 1,000 times and your guilt is being wasted. Use that energy now to focus on the good you can do in your current life and relationships.

Litigate wisely. If you have money, you can really cause your spouse some serious headaches in the courtroom. Don’t. Especially if you have children. There are some things worth fighting about (custody and visitation if your spouse is abusive). But most things are not. Learn how to negotiate and come to agreements – for your benefit and your children’s.
Take Risks. You know that job you always wanted to go for? That area of the country you wanted to live in? The software you wanted to design? The book you wanted to write? Do it. You divorced your spouse for a reason. Take advantage of the opportunity to recreate yourself and pour yourself into those areas of life that give you meaning. The only person who is stopping you now is you. And you know in your heart that you now can handle any challenge.

For information on your options regarding divorce and custody litigation, please call the Law Office of Bradley R. Tengler in Rockford, IL at 815-981-4859 for a free consultation. Please note, the above does not constitute legal advice. Please discuss your specific rights with an attorney in your own jurisdiction.